1.1     The Five Lessons

One.    Alberta Bound would never be the same since that day she ran away from home.  Cursed by tender age (six) and diminutive pocketbook ($1.84), Alberta didn’t get very far—oh, just about to the playground I’d say.  During a rest stop at the rocketship monkey bars, the cold futility of it all struck Alberta like a wet slap.  She promised herself that the next time she ran away, she would plan better.  And although she was temporarily defeated by the entire experience she was ultimately energised by her resolution to try again.  For a brief moment she wondered whether there would be a party for her return, having just read about The Prodigal Son last week in catechism class.  Alberta was, despite everything, a dreamer.

Two.    Alberta bore the onslaught of: We told you so, We knew you would be back, and Only good little girls get dinner, with the quiet strength of Gandhi.  But when her mother came to deal out the corporal punishment, Alberta found her voice and repeated something she had overheard in the playground:

Three.  “Fuck you!”

Four.    Life Lesson Four followed swiftly.

Five.    Alberta decided to cut her losses and apologised so sweetly that the trill of violins and birds was heard.  She curled up on her side in bed that night, pondering the cosmos. 

She would never be the same.